If someone from Germany or somewhere, who had no idea what baseball was, saw Kruk play, he’d wonder what the beer truck driver was doing playing first base.

They wanted me to play third like Brooks so I did play like Brooks – Mel Brooks.

Last year we had so many people coming in and out they didn’t bother to sew their names on the backs of the uniforms. They just put them there with Velcro.

My biggest problem in the big leagues is that I can’t figure out how to spend forty-three dollars in meal money.

Who says there’s an unemployment problem in this country? Just take the five percent unemployed and give them a baseball stat to follow.

I don’t care what you do – baseball or politics – George W. Bush is always going to be compared to his father. I just want it to be an easy answer in 50 years – Who was the better player, me, or my kids? I want it to be my kids.

It's a lot like life. I think 99 percent of what goes on in life, we have very little control over.

I have an Alka-Seltzer bat. You know-plop, plop, fizz, fizz, when the pitcher sees me walking up there he says, 'Oh, what a relief it is'.

My biggest problem in the big leagues is that I can't figure out how to spend forty-three dollars in meal money.

He (Ozzie Smith) plays like he's on a mini-trampoline or wearing helium kangaroo shorts.